Twins of Faith: Ilm & 'Amal

Assalammualaikum  wbt..

Alhamdulillah saya baru sahaja tiba di rumah, dari putrajaya, specifically PICC, dari mengikuti program Twins of Faith anjuran NGO Mercy Mission. MashaAllah, the program was very................. (speechless!), good wasn't the word, but to say that this 2 whole days event really fill up my nearly empty soul.


before this, as i started to work, i felt just like a working robot. I have to be on my schedule. go to work, and come back again, then off to work again, the same o' routine for every single day! I know I just started working this past september, but i already feel emptiness inside me. like something is not 'there'. But then, I saw this event, that was introduced by my bff, raiz. yes, this is it! and again, i nearly cancel this event because of work, because of this shifting hospital and stuff (don't ask, pls), i'm afraid i need to work on weekend as well. but Alhamdulillah, He gave me opportunity to be there, because i know that i need to refreash myself with something new and worth to my soul.

Being a muslim is not an easy task... be surrounded by muslim, is a bless. however, are we muslim enough to be called a muslim?
this question had been lingering in my mind these few hours after the event. is it enough just to pray 5 times a day, cover your aurah, fast at month of ramadhan? after 24 years (almost) of your life Asma', what have you contribute to others? what good deeds that you had invested for your share in akhirat? it is okto just pretend to see everything is enough but its not? have you ever considered you ready if let say, your time is up in just, 5 minutes more?

Ya Allah, there is a lots of things to think about! What have i not learnt yet, What minor things that i do not know, What are the important aspects of life that i'm not fully mastered?

It felt like my working life had not bring me to anything, yet. i'm just a gov servant, work to pay my scholar, which this is all lead to nothing. This doesn't mean i don't appreciate the knowledge i've gain, i really do. but as in a concept of increasing your eman and being close to Allah, this road just keep blocking me from my true purpose of life. there's more to learn, to practice and to give back to others, yet i'm just doing the same thing, without an effort to improve myself, my relationship to Allah.
each and everyday, i'm just complaning that, this person is doing this... that person is not doing that...that patient is so fussy, that doc is bla...blaa..blaaaa......
Yeah, there are sometimes i unconsciously learnt from things that happen in my surrounding, but when you are not in a community that practice a real way of islamic life, you just tend to be just like them. you may notice that, yeah..this thing is bad, but when everybody is doing it or pretend not to see it, so how come?

Ya Allah, i'm not strong enough to hold myself from doing bad things. yet i'm not yet a good muslim to try to spread the good news that been written in Your Book.

after i walked out of that conference, i felt like i was back to my old world. because when i was there, i felt like 'alice in wonderland' kind of feeling. you are with the people that you feel secure, love and with the same faith and akidah. you don't need to be reminded of prayer time as there are full of reminders around you. you don't need to be afraid of putting your handbag beyond your watch as you trust people around you to be honest, and you fell blessed in whatever you do, as there's you in their du'a. and i thought.... this is real world, not the world out there. a world with nothing to be afraid of except Allah.. a world where you don't need to worry about other things than increasing your ibadah, your eman, being a better person. A world full of blessed people. you feel warm, and....home....

however Ya Allah.. biiznillah, things will get better...

to be cont....